Thoughts (again)

I have so much to say but don't know where to begin. I'm a little drunk. I'm a little irritated. I'm kind of happy that I actually feel something right now...

Time to start turning these feelings into something positive. Update tomorrow, I promise.

Thoughts For Today, August 18th, 2008

Yesterday I spent almost the entire day in Northampton. I woke up a little before 9 (gotta love being essentially unemployed) and headed into town. Upon arriving and parking I walked a few blocks to get cigarettes and decided to keep on walking. After about 4 miles of aimless meandering I popped into Packards to see Jared and Kendra. We chatted. It was fun. Then I went to Pulaski Park, sat on a bench, and finished a book that Jil's father bought for me when we first met. It occurred to me that it was the 17th and they were showing my absolute favorite movie of all time (Harold And Maude) at The Academy. I called Kaliis and we decided to go to the 5 o'clock showing. It was around 1 when I called her. I walked to my car to get another book (always keep books on your person or in your car). While walking there I came across five people on different occassions who recognized me and used my name (e.g. "Hey Peter!", "How's it going Peter?", "Long time no see Peter..." etc.) Although I recognized the faces of two of them I did not know any of their names. I hate generalizing responses to things like "hey man, what's up?" but sometimes I am forced to. Anyway, went back to the park to read and wait for Kaliis. She was late and so we opted out of the 5pm showing and settled on the 7. We decided to head to the mall to take advantage of the tax-free weekend. We then went to the movie (amazing as always... I teared up a bit). Afterwards we walked to Bishops for Karaoke. I stayed until 1 and then went for another walk around town before heading to my car and going home. I got home around 2:15. Essentially I meandered in and about Northampton from 9am until 2am with an hour detour to the mall. It was one of the better days I've had in months.

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Contrary to Saturday's post I went and picked up the majority of my stuff from Jil's today. We chatted for a bit and, with the exception of some truly awkward hugs, was an extremely amicable experience. She brought up the 'you should come over and hang sometime' as well as the 'we will always be friends' aspects. I didn't shrug them off completely but I also wasn't jumping for joy at either prospect. Don't get me wrong; Jil is an amazing person. She is fun and funny and we had some great times. I just have a hard time staying connected to someone that I have disconnected from. To be fair my usual timeframe from 'Seriously Seeing Someone' to 'Spending Time With Someone I Used To See Seriously' averages about a year. We broke up in July (it might have been late June, I didn't mark the date). We'll see how this pans out. I did find out something that I found hilarious though... Jil, If you are reading this I sincerely wish you the best of luck with THAT! ;) (I think I just died a little when I typed out that smiley)

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What does one do on a Monday these days?

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If we don't settle on a place soon we are going to head up to my cabin in Rowe for a month or so. Upside to that: I'll get to catch up on some reading and writing
Downside to that: I will be almost completely isolated from society. No internet access. No cellphone service. No neighborhood bar. Just me and nature.

Dr. Strangelove...

...or 'How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Fact That We Will Continue To Run Into Each Other On A Semi-Regular Basis And You, Being The Mature One, Will Be Seeing Other People (Including Those I Know) And Inadvertently Remind Me That I Walked Away From Something That Could Easily Be Construed As Contentment But Could Never Pass As Happiness.'

Someday I will adjust to that fact. Until that day comes, however, things will continue to be awkward between us. I refuse to pick up the rest of my things on the slim chance that someday I would need to bring said things back to your place. I understand that we'll never be together again but sometimes I dream that that isn't the case. Often I miss you. Occasionally I resent you. Once in a while I remind myself that this is for the best. I sincerely hope that you are happy without me and I sincerely hope that I too can experience that soon.

What I'm Up To Tonight

So today is an uber-busy day. Actually, it only gets busy tonight but you understand what I mean.

First up, at 10 at The Iron Horse, Electric Six is playing which is AWESOME! Check out the video for 'Gay Bar' below:


As much as they will be fun I am more excited for the openers. First up we have The Coke Dares (featuring members of Magnolia Electric Co.) I wasn't too familiar with them so I checked them out on the YouTube. They seem fun and sound like a good way to open the show. Check 'em out below:


The following act is truly the reason that I am going to this show tonight. I like Electric Six and all but something about these guys just screams 'outshining the headliner from the moment they step on stage'. I am talking about Tragedy: The Metal Tribute To The Bee Gees. Read that again. The METAL Tribute To The BEE GEES. Sheer awesomeness! Check them out below:


How fucking awesome is that?!?!?!?!?

Hopefully I'll get to catch them before rushing over to The Elevens to catch Kaliis, Neal, Rich, Greg, and Alex rock socks off! Of course I'm talking about The Brass one of my favorite local bands. They blend power-pop (almost bubblegum) with some rock stylings to create a sound that isn't common in The Valley. Their shows are invariably informal and yet terribly fun. I urge people to check them out! Tonight they have the middle slot in a line-up that also features The Campbell Apartment and Beast With 2 Backs. Below you'll find a clip with TERRIBLE SOUND QUALITY! (but it should give you an idea)
Buddy System


After which I'm going to need to hightail it over to the Deuce to help celebrate Matty's birthday and maybe even sing a song. Hopefully I can make it in before the doors close but I'm feeling a little skeptical.

The show at The Horse starts at 10. Tickets are like $15 or so at the door (I'm not really sure)

The show at The Elevens starts at 10 (The Brass should be on between 11 and 11:30). There's probably a $1-$5 cover charge (again I'm not really sure)

Addendum To My Last Post

My mistake! I'm actually looking at the apartment tomorrow!

But it doesn't look promising. The landlord is the one person in town that I would prefer not get my hard earned cash. I was hoping that it was one of the other buildings... it's not.

Oh well, I'm still going to check it out tomorrow.

Also, I am really looking forward to tonight! I like seeing friends that I don't get to see on a regular basis. Time is running out for keeping in touch with these people and thankfully plans didn't fall through. That makes me happy!

(did you notice that for the last few posts I started using proper punctuation/capitalization? I have been doing it subconsciously lately...)

An Actual Update

Tic-Toc!

Time is running out!

We are approaching September and Kaliis and I still haven't quite found a place. We have looked at a few in and around Northampton ranging from 'way cheaper than we expected to spend' all the way to 'better sell our kidneys to pay the rent'. Tomorrow we look at an ideal location for us.

Two bedroom on Center St. Within our price range. Literally spitting distance from where she works (and where it seems I will be working again in the near future). W/D centrally located in the building. New appliances. Hardwood in common areas. Sounds just about perfect...

Downfall number 1: As with just about EVERY place in Northampton there is no parking included. She is certain that she can work with that. I am not so sure. However, I am in no place to abandon my vehicle as of yet (until I buy a bicycle that is) so that will need to be addressed. Any ideas?

Downfall number 2: The listing explicitly states no pets (which is odd as people that I know who have lived in the same building in the past have kept indoor cats). I am not sure that I am ready to abandon psycho kitty yet. I mean, look at those eyes! If anybody wants him I might be willing to part with him... who am I kidding. He's a temperamental beast who only likes myself and The Putz... We'll see







Anyway... I'm checking it out tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

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On a completely different note: I need to sincerely apologize to a good friend of mine. A few weeks back I did something that truly affected our friendship and could have cost her her job. Not that it's an excuse for my behavior but I was on the intoxicated side at the time. I have since apologized numerous times and understand that a barrier of trust was broken. Our friendship has been rocky in the past and this didn't help anything. I have a difficult time earning her trust and to throw that back in her face was truly stupid of me.

Recently I had the same thing happen to me. I have never felt so betrayed as I did during this situation. Once I had moved beyond my initial anger I realized that what happened to me is exactly what I did to the aforementioned friend. I know that I have apologized already and I know that things between us might never be the same but I would like to make it up to you somehow.

To the person who betrayed my trust recently: I am not going to carry this grudge forever. I also realize that in my anger I said some stupid things to people that probably should not have heard them. However, this is not the first time that you have taken something that I have shared in confidence and revealed it. Don't expect me to EVER turn to you again. Don't expect that I will EVER be there for you either. Time fixes everything to a point but I don't think our relationship will ever go back to what it was.

Reasons You Should Watch 'The Legend Of Neil'

1. It's free

2. If you are reading this you are probably around the same age as I am and will appreciate the references to The Legend Of Zelda

3. Felicia Day ('Penny' from the stupendous Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog) plays the fairy

4. It is hilarious!!!

5. It will give us something to talk about the next time we see each other

seriously, check it out here. it isn't work friendly material (language and crude humor) but is well worth checking out. they have posted the first four 6 minute episodes and continue to release new episodes every thursday.

My Weekend With They Might Be Giants (The Saturday Recap)

So a few weeks ago I stumbled across the fact that They Might Be Giants were hosting their annual free 'Fan Appreciation Show' at Mohegan Sun again. Usually they only do one show. This year they booked two (bonus!). I did a little more research and found out that these would be theme-specific shows. Saturday night was going to be devoted to 1996's 'Factory Showroom' album and Sunday night was going to be devoted to 1992's 'Apollo 18' album. Now I've been a fan of TMBG for years and years and years. 'Apollo 18' is my favorite album of theirs so I knew that I would definitely be going on Sunday. Unfortunately I hadn't been to a show at Mohegan in a few years and had no clue how early I would need to show up to guarantee entrance. Luckily 'Factory Showroom' is also a great album and I could use Saturday to help determine timing for Sunday. I sent out an open invite to people who I thought might be interested and started planning my weekend.

Saturday comes and my friend, Jared, and I begin our trek to Connecticut. Jared had never seen TMBG before but was kind of familiar with their music. I didn't even expect to get into the show and told him that beforehand. We get to Mohegan around 4. The line has about 50 people in it. We are definitely getting in. Fast forward to 8. The show begins and I couldn't be happier.

They open with 'Token Back To Brooklyn', a song they have NEVER played live before. Token is the hidden first track on Factory Showroom. I am super excited at this point waiting to hear the familiar bass riff of 'S-E-X-X-Y' which would dictate that not only were they doing Factory Showroom but they were doing it in order. Sure enough they didn't disappoint. This was the rarest of treats! They have NEVER performed this album in its entirety. I immediately texted a few other fans to point out how jealous they should be of me...

...and then they played 'Metal Detector'. Okay, so this wasn't destined to be Factory Showroom from start to finish. But at least they are going to play all the songs from the album right? Flansburgh keeps mentioning that this is the Factory Showroom show where they will be playing songs they haven't played in ages. At the end of 'Metal Detector' Flans mentions that they will need to play some "filler" as Factory Showroom is only 40 minutes long. They play 'The Mesopotamians' off The Else. I am not a big fan of this song (or this album for that matter) but it wasn't bad. Then they return to Factory Showroom for a few songs.

'New York City' always rocks. It is by far one of my favorite songs they do. This version put a huge shit-eating grin on my face. Next came 'James K. Polk'. This was the first time that I had seen this song done without the confetti cannon. I miss the confetti cannon. Still it is a great song and so much fun to dance to.

After Polk ends they start up with 'Spine' from The Spine. I have seen this song a few times and it always follows the same progression as the album, even going so far as to lead invariably into 'Memo To Human Resources'. Naturally as 'Spine' ends I anticipate Memo and start singing the beginning. To my surprise it instead led into 'XTC Vs. Atom Ant' returning to Factory Showroom territory. I have always hated this song but for some reason I really enjoyed it live tonight. They then played 'Upside Down Frown' from The Else. As I stated earlier, I am not much of a fan of this album. This song is catchy but doesn't really do it for me. I turned to Jared and told him my opinions. He responded with "I like it. It's catchy and kind of rocking." I told him that there were catchier songs that I'd rather hear and, since this is the Factory Showroom show, they should play 'Spiraling Shape' since it is a better and catchier song.

The Johns must be psychic because they IMMEDIATELY went into 'Spiraling Shape' next. I love this song and the way it goes from soft almost crooning to hard rocking. I was dancing a lot during it and singing at the top of my lungs. They followed it up with my least favorite song from Factory Showroom; 'Pet Name'. Unimpressive. They then played the only song from their self-titled debut that they would play the entire weekend, 'Don't Let's Start'. I have seen this song at every show of theirs that I have ever attended and it still rocks my socks off. I was glad that Jared got to see it.

They then played pretty standard versions of 'How Can I Sing Like A Girl' (Factory Showroom) and 'Birdhouse In Your Soul' (Flood). Next came one of the highpoints when they began playing 'Dr. Worm' from Severe Tire Damage. The horns were on point and the energy level of the band mirrored the energy level of the audience. Definitely the best version of this I have seen to date.

Next they attempted 'I Can Hear You' from Factory Showroom. Flans made the comment that tonight, being Factory Showroom night, is also proof of what happens when unrehearsed musicians attempt songs they haven't played in about 10 years. Actually the song sounded rather good.

They then played 'The Bells Are Ringing' which is ALWAYS AMAZING! I adore this song both studio version and in person. They nailed it. They then played 'Seven' from their childrens album Here Come The 123's. It was fun and cute (We Want Cake! Where's Our Cake?!?!).

Flans then introduced the band which kind of bummed me out. Band intros mean only one more song then hopefully a multi-song encore. The song that they closed the set with was 'Til My Head Falls Off' from (surprise) Factory Showroom. I was dancing like a fool at this point. It was amazing. Then the show ended...

They came out to do an encore and I realized that two songs had been ommited from the Factory Showroom program ('Excuisite Dead Guy' and 'Your Own Worst Enemy'). The problem, in my eyes, was that neither of these are good encore songs. Not to mention the fact that they hadn't played 'Particle Man' OR 'Istanbul'. (on a side note: i was really hoping they wouldn't play either of those two songs. I have seen Istanbul EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE THEM PLAY and Particle Man usually bores me).

Boy was I happy when the drums started kicking in and Flans told us all to stand and move forward. Only one song elicits that: 'Clap Your Hands!' from No!. I clapped! I stomped! I jumped in the air! I screamed! They immediately went into 'The Guitar' which was odd because that song is from Apollo 18, the album that they were featuring the following night. Still great song and again I was happy that Jared got to see it. I assumed that that was it and then the trombonist and sax player stepped to the front of the stage. This could mean only one thing: 'Istanbul'. Jared was ecstatic. I would've rather heard just about anything else. It was a pretty rocking version of it though. (another side note: my favorite version of Istanbul occured in May of 2007 at the Horse. People kept screaming for it and they finally played it--sped up to about 5 times it's normal speed! it was something else!)

After that they left us to cheer and scream for more before coming out for another Apollo 18 track; 'Dig My Grave'. Again it rocked but I would have rather heard the rest of Factory Showroom and saved that for the following night.

All in all it was a great show. Well worth the 3 hours worth of travelling time, 2.5 hours waiting in line, and 1.5 hours waiting for the show to start. Jared had a blast and I cemented the fact that I was returning the following day.

My Weekend With They Might Be Giants (The Setlists)

First allow me to post the boring part:

Saturday, August 9th, 2008 - The Wolf's Den at Mohegan Sun

Token Back To Brooklyn
S-E-X-X-Y
Metal Detector
The Mesopotamians
New York City
James K. Polk
The Spine -> XTC Vs. Atom Ant
Upside Down Frown
Spiraling Shape
Pet Name
Don't Let's Start
How Can I Sing Like A Girl
Birdhouse In Your Soul
Dr. Worm
I Can Hear You
The Bells Are Ringing
7
Band Intros
Til My Head Falls Off

Encore:
Clap Your Hands
The Guitar
Istanbul

Encore 2:
Dig My Grave


Sunday, August 10th, 2008 - The Wolf's Den at Mohegan Sun

Hypnotist Of Ladies
The Statue Got Me High
She's Actual Size
Narrow Your Eyes (accidental start)
Mammal
Narrow Your Eyes (for real this time)
Dinner Bell
Spider -> The Guitar
Which Describes How You're Feeling
I Palindrome I
If I Wasn't Shy
Fingertips
Turn Around
Dig My Grave
Withered Hope
Mr. Me
S-E-X-X-Y
Particle Man -> I Love To Sing -> Particle Man
Dr. Worm

Encore:
Drink!
Birdhouse In Your Soul
Damn Good Times

Encore 2:
Istanbul

full review and weekend recap to follow... right now i should sleep a bit.

Today Is International 'I Just Lost The Game' Day

(speaking of which, I just lost the game)

What?!?!? You are unfamiliar with the game?!?!? Allow me to fill you in (he said with a devious smile...)

From Wikipedia:

"The Game is an ongoing mind game, the objective of which is to avoid thinking about the Game itself. Thinking about the Game constitutes loss, which, according to the rules of the Game, must then be announced. The Game is continuous—once a player stops thinking about the Game, they stop losing. The game is estimated to have millions of players worldwide."

The Rules (also from Wikipedia):

"There are three main rules to the Game:

1. Everyone in the world is playing the Game. (Sometimes narrowed to: "Everybody in the world who knows about the Game, is playing the Game.", or alternatively, "You are always playing the game.")
2. Whenever you think about The Game, you lose.
3. Loss must be announced.

As a variation, some players allow a grace period during which a player can not lose The Game again, after they have lost once. This can range from just a few seconds to half an hour."

So there it is. I remember when I first learned of The Game. Friends and I would do everything in our powers NOT to think of it but when we did we would 'announce' it in devious ways to throw each other off. I remember when I was 18 my friend went so far as to write, in red lipstick, on the bathroom mirror "I JUST LOST THE GAME... AND SO DID YOU!"

Ah ridiculous mind games...

Thoughts

On August 4th, 2008 I spent approximately 2 hours and 45 minutes examining the proverbial 'Road Less Travelled'. I decided to consciously think about every major choice I have ever made in my life and how things might have turned out different if I had gone the other direction. It was a fascinating time period.

After that I thought about what I wanted for dinner.

That was less fascinating.

A Statement Followed By My Response Followed By My Explanation Of Said Response

She wrote:

"Do you know what hate really is?
It's unrequited love"

I responded:

"I have spent the past few years coming to the conclusion that unrequited love (on the part of the giver) is actually one of the strongest forms of passion there is. With unrequited love you are constantly forced to examine yourself under such a microscope do determine why you even bother. In most people's eyes, "they don't feel the same for me as I do for them" equates to "it's probably better to just walk away." Yet in some cases that becomes extremely difficult.

Assume for a moment that you are the type of person who believes in the 'one perfect soulmate'. You stumble across all the essential qualities you are looking for in a person. The two of you get to know each other at great lengths. You have devoted time and emotion in building up a spark between you. Your feelings grow until one day you can't keep them in any longer. They do not reciprocate. Now you are posed with a dilemma, can you just walk away knowing full well that they are everything you could ever want and more?

In my experience, passion this deep doesn't often exist in relationships for a long enough period of time. But there are people out there who burden themselves with this type of dead-end passion forever.

Just my two cents of course."

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I met someone a few years back who matched my personal criteria tenfold. I had always assumed that she was beyond my reach. With time we became passing acquaintances, then kind of friends, and shortly thereafter extremely close. I held my feelings inside for months. Finally I couldn't keep it in anymore and explained how I felt. She didn't take it well and stopped speaking to me for a bit. We have since grown back together knowing full well that I still hold these feelings for her to an extent. It's not as strong as it was that fateful day when I poured my heart out to her but I'd be lying if I said that she didn't cross my mind once on a while.

Sometimes it's hard to swallow that passion. Most relationships have a honeymoon period of varying length. Unrequited love is similar to that; a honeymoon period experienced by one lonely soul.

I Must Share... Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

it's back online for FREE! (and legally mind you...)

if you have not watched it, stop what you are doing, and go here immediately. i promise that you won't regret it!

the songs are amazing. neil patrick harris is god. nathan fillion is perfect as Captain Hammer, Corporate Tool (...the hammer is my penis). quite possibly the most entertaining thing i have seen in months. seriously. check it out if you haven't already... check it out again if you already have...