Blah And Argh

As always please allow me to apologize for the lack of blogging as of late... I'm an ass. I realize this. Moving on.

Quick update:

Kaliis and I are currently living in Easthampton. We found this really cute 3 bedroom (although more like 2 bedrooms and a small room which might fit a twin size bed) which has a garden and is in a quaint neighborhood. Things are going well in that department.

And that's pretty much all of the good I have to share today...

My life has been an emotional rollercoaster as of late. My birthday was lackluster at best (although I appreciate those of you who took the time out of your busy schedules to help celebrate). Work has been stressful and annoying and not a day goes by that I don't wonder why exactly I found myself back at IHEG.

Then there's that girl.

We were hanging out again rather frequently. Things were good although slightly awkward at times. She single-handedly devestated my birthday and then proceeded to make me the happiest I had been in months. She did this in the span of 3 hours. Since then, however, things have turned for the absolute worst. Deceit (whether intentional or not), unreturned phonecalls/texts, last minute changes of plans, and everything else that causes good things to sour. Today I pseudo-ran into her at CVS. I know she saw me. She just walked on past without even a hello.

The strange thing, to me, is that I am pretty certain that I didn't do anything to cause this change of behavior. One minute we were baring our souls to each other like we had done in the past and the next it's as if we don't even know each other anymore. The shittiest thing about it all is that she still holds such a large place in my heart. If I could only force her out of there then I could easily just walk away. I am ready to sever all ties if need be. This ambivalence toward me is more crushing than anything that we have dealt with in the past.

I don't know. Maybe she'll read this and call me and things will definitively go one way or another. Maybe I'll get the story behind Sunday night and, if I'm lucky, an apology to boot. Or maybe this is truly the end. Maybe it was a mistake to even allow her back into my life. Anyway, this sucks.

Seriously.

An Actual Update

Tic-Toc!

Time is running out!

We are approaching September and Kaliis and I still haven't quite found a place. We have looked at a few in and around Northampton ranging from 'way cheaper than we expected to spend' all the way to 'better sell our kidneys to pay the rent'. Tomorrow we look at an ideal location for us.

Two bedroom on Center St. Within our price range. Literally spitting distance from where she works (and where it seems I will be working again in the near future). W/D centrally located in the building. New appliances. Hardwood in common areas. Sounds just about perfect...

Downfall number 1: As with just about EVERY place in Northampton there is no parking included. She is certain that she can work with that. I am not so sure. However, I am in no place to abandon my vehicle as of yet (until I buy a bicycle that is) so that will need to be addressed. Any ideas?

Downfall number 2: The listing explicitly states no pets (which is odd as people that I know who have lived in the same building in the past have kept indoor cats). I am not sure that I am ready to abandon psycho kitty yet. I mean, look at those eyes! If anybody wants him I might be willing to part with him... who am I kidding. He's a temperamental beast who only likes myself and The Putz... We'll see







Anyway... I'm checking it out tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

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On a completely different note: I need to sincerely apologize to a good friend of mine. A few weeks back I did something that truly affected our friendship and could have cost her her job. Not that it's an excuse for my behavior but I was on the intoxicated side at the time. I have since apologized numerous times and understand that a barrier of trust was broken. Our friendship has been rocky in the past and this didn't help anything. I have a difficult time earning her trust and to throw that back in her face was truly stupid of me.

Recently I had the same thing happen to me. I have never felt so betrayed as I did during this situation. Once I had moved beyond my initial anger I realized that what happened to me is exactly what I did to the aforementioned friend. I know that I have apologized already and I know that things between us might never be the same but I would like to make it up to you somehow.

To the person who betrayed my trust recently: I am not going to carry this grudge forever. I also realize that in my anger I said some stupid things to people that probably should not have heard them. However, this is not the first time that you have taken something that I have shared in confidence and revealed it. Don't expect me to EVER turn to you again. Don't expect that I will EVER be there for you either. Time fixes everything to a point but I don't think our relationship will ever go back to what it was.